Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Mellowed A Bit
Have been at home with my family. Drove here with a vengeance a few days ago. I hit a wall with Herxing. Lots of fear. Plain scared. Did not want to be in my apartment alone. Drove here as fast as I could.
It was such a demoralizing blow after feeling well for a week or so. The good news, today, is that I can now see what is me and what is the Lyme or the Babesia. Before feeling well, it was murky. I was the Lyme and the Lyme was me. It was part of my constitution for decades...my psyche.
It had been with me for years and years. The self loathing; the anger; the nasty back talk to myself. Once I felt better, I felt light and rays of sunshine peeking into those dark years of my existence.
When I had the Herx where I hit my living room wall with my face and elbows and cried all over the blue paint, I could see the Lyme around me. I prepapred myself for battle in a way I had never done.
I knew that any internal strife would have to be subdued. I had to have a unified front against the bacteria moving back in.
It was such a demoralizing blow after feeling well for a week or so. The good news, today, is that I can now see what is me and what is the Lyme or the Babesia. Before feeling well, it was murky. I was the Lyme and the Lyme was me. It was part of my constitution for decades...my psyche.
It had been with me for years and years. The self loathing; the anger; the nasty back talk to myself. Once I felt better, I felt light and rays of sunshine peeking into those dark years of my existence.
When I had the Herx where I hit my living room wall with my face and elbows and cried all over the blue paint, I could see the Lyme around me. I prepapred myself for battle in a way I had never done.
I knew that any internal strife would have to be subdued. I had to have a unified front against the bacteria moving back in.
# posted by Lala @ 7:18 PM 
